Category Archives: Foreign Policy

Ancestry.com Shares Rise As Senate Investigation Expands to All Persons of Russian Descent

Ancestry.com logo | Source: Ancestry.com

NEW YORK–Shares of Ancestry.com (ACOM) soared this week on news that the Senate investigation into Russian election meddling has expanded to consider all persons of “Russian descent” as possible suspects.*

Continue reading Ancestry.com Shares Rise As Senate Investigation Expands to All Persons of Russian Descent

As War Pre-orders Jump 12%, CIA Worries About Meeting Demand for Enemies

Nobody creates enemies as efficiently as the Agency. | Source: CIA Website, via Wikimedia Commons

WASHINGTON, DC–Last week, President Trump approved a defense policy bill that includes a total budget of $692B, marking a nearly 12% increase in pre-ordered wars over the prior year.

Ordinarily, this surge in war pre-orders would be good news for the CIA, which creates most of the key enemy components needed for the wars. However, at least one insider at the Agency is concerned that they won’t be able to keep up with the demand.*

Continue reading As War Pre-orders Jump 12%, CIA Worries About Meeting Demand for Enemies

Trump Respectfully Responds to Gold Star Widow Criticism

President Trump describes the vital importance of this story | Credit: Marc Nozell, Flickr

WASHINGTON, DC–In the wake of an ambush that claimed the lives of four US servicemembers in Niger, the American press corps has been doggedly pursuing the most important aspect of the story: What did President Trump say on the phone to one of the widows and what was his tone?* Continue reading Trump Respectfully Responds to Gold Star Widow Criticism

US Officials: Iran Nuclear Deal Failed to Address Non-Nuclear Issues

Mohammad Javad Zarif, Iran’s Foreign Minister and Deal Spirit Violator | Credit: Austria’s foreign ministry, Wikimedia Commons

WASHINGTON, DC–Noting that Iran has failed to live up to the Spirit of the agreement, senior White House officials told The Daily Face Palm that it would be in America’s national interest to unilaterally withdraw from the Iran Nuclear Deal.* Continue reading US Officials: Iran Nuclear Deal Failed to Address Non-Nuclear Issues

Harvard Rescinds Manning Fellowship, Regrets Tarnishing Brand with Integrity

Noted peace criminal Chelsea Manning, who exposed thousands of innocent classified documents to the elements. | Credit: Tim Travers Hawkins, Wikimedia Commons

BOSTON, MA–On Friday, the Harvard Kennedy School’s Institute of Politics withdrew its fellowship invitation to Chelsea Manning, the notorious traitor who leaked thousands of classified documents and exposed the inner-workings of America’s benevolent foreign policy.*

When the invitation was originally extended, it set off a firestorm of criticism from current and former high-ranking officials who helped oversee that foreign policy and were inexplicably upset at having their good deeds revealed to the public. Current CIA Director Mike Pompeo abruptly pulled out of a speech at the Harvard Kennedy School in protest. Additionally, former Acting CIA Director, and noted proponent of assassinating Russians and Iranians, Michael Morell penned a letter of resignation from his current post at the Kennedy School, thereby denying a generation of aspiring, patriotic sociopaths an experienced lecturer in the field.

Continue reading Harvard Rescinds Manning Fellowship, Regrets Tarnishing Brand with Integrity

Skeptical of Trump’s Judgment, Senate Votes to Preserve Unlimited War Authorization

Donald Trump describes the number of Senators willing to vote for or against any of the wars. | Credit: Marc Nozell

WASHINGTON–On Wednesday, the US Senate voted 61-36 to end debate and kill an amendment that would have established an expiration date on America’s current Authorizations for the Use of Military Force (AUMFs).*

The AUMFs have drawn criticism over the years for being both vague and stale. Apple comes out with a new iPhone almost every year. By contrast, the US hasn’t come out with a new AUMF in nearly 15 years.

Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT), who spoke in favor of sunsetting the current authorizations, said that the AUMFs have been “terrific products that have exceeded all expectations in terms of durability and versatility,” alluding to the fact that the authorizations have been used to justify a highly diverse set of conflicts against various enemies.

“But now that the US government has gotten their use out of them,” Murphy continued, “we’re ready for something new.”

Continue reading Skeptical of Trump’s Judgment, Senate Votes to Preserve Unlimited War Authorization

Battered by Past Storms, Hurricane Harvey Finishes Off Fiscal Conservativism

The remnants of Fiscal Conservativism | Credit: Lance Cpl. Scott Whiting, DVIDSHUB, Flickr

TEXAS–The flood waters and storm clouds of Hurricane Harvey are beginning to recede, but residents in the small town of Fiscal Conservatism say things will never be the same again.*

Surveying the damage after President Trump  quickly agreed to a nominal 3-month debt ceiling extension with the Democratic leadership to ensure federal spending on Harvey relief, resident Rand Paul (R-KY) told The Daily Face Palm, “I don’t think we can recover from this.”

Continue reading Battered by Past Storms, Hurricane Harvey Finishes Off Fiscal Conservativism

Rejecting the Transgender Ban: We Cannot Come Together Without Conquering Together

Depiction of an early national team-building exercise in Egypt | Source: Flickr

When I write My Two Cents, I do my very best to stick to the straight and narrow of moderate centrism.  So much damage is done to our democracy by politicians and voters who form principled opinions based on a coherent worldview instead of firmly sticking to the sensible middle ground position.*

But after hearing the news that the Trump Administration really is moving forward with his tweeted plan to prohibit transgender individuals from serving in the military, I realized I could not hold back what is left of my flaccid ideology any longer.

Not only is this latest trans-ban bad policy, and bad politics, it is fundamentally immoral.

Continue reading Rejecting the Transgender Ban: We Cannot Come Together Without Conquering Together