Category Archives: Everything Else

Private Prisons, White Nationalists, and Left-Liberals Come Together to Support Gun Control

Let’s make a deal | Pixabay

WASHINGTON, DC–An unlikely group of allies has found common cause on gun control.

The nation’s leading private prison operators, fringe white nationalists, and respectable Democrats are funding a new organization called Bite the Bullet, which seeks to advance strict new gun control legislation. The new initiative was quickly formed in the wake of the recent school shooting in Florida, which claimed the lives of 17 individuals.*

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Nation Sees Precedented Surge in Number of Gun Policy Experts After School Shooting

A gun that’s roughly as effective as the US gun control debate | Pixabay

PARKLAND, FL–In the aftermath of a tragic school shooting at a high school in Florida that claimed 17 lives, the US has seen a precedented surge in the number of gun policy experts that are ready and willing to weigh in on the topic.

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Campaign Finance Reform Advocates Optimistic After Russians’ Election Influence Success

There has never been a better time for grassroots activists to succeed on a budget. | Pixabay

WASHINGTON, DC–In the wake of the Mueller investigation indictments against 13 Russian nationals for election interference, many Americans cited the news as evidence for their pre-existing understanding of Russiagate.*

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Democrats and Republicans Reach Historic Spending Agreement That Deficits Only Matter When Other Team Is In Charge

Bipartisanship at last | Credit: Capri23Auto, Pixabay

WASHINGTON, DC–In a rare outbreak of bipartisanship, last week Democratic and Republican lawmakers came together and agreed that deficits only matter when the other team is in charge.

This acknowlegement came on the heels of a historic budget compromise. Under the recent agreement, Republicans will get to waste $175B more on military spending over the next two years and Democrats will get to exhaust an additional $131B in nondefense spending. The agreement also suspended the debt goal until March 2019, so lawmakers could focus on other key priorities, like finding the last remaining goods not subject to sanctions in North Korea.*

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After Sexual Assault Allegations, Weinstein Looks to Bill Clinton for Hope

Harvey Weinstein | Credit: David Shankbone, Wikimedia Commons

NEW YORK, NEW YORK–After a pair of bombshell stories in The New York Times and The New Yorker, which featured multiple women accusing him of sexual harassment and sexual assault, film executive Harvey Weinstein has seen his world quickly crumbling around him.

His wife filed for divorce. The eponymous company he founded severed ties with him. And nearly every famous acquaintance he had in Hollywood or Washington has gone on record denouncing him (though a few took appropriate time to verify that sexual assault committed by a donor still counts as reprehensible). Among Democrats, who once saw him as a valuable political ally, Weinstein may be less popular than Donald Trump at the moment–a distinction political scientists previously thought akin to absolute zero.*

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Spanish PM Confused by Catalan Crowds Since No Vote Occurred

A Catalan flag that does not exist. | Credit: Angela Llop, Flickr

MADRID, SPAIN–Speaking to reporters after an allegedly tumultuous weekend in Catalonia, Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy said he was not sure what 2.3 million Catalans were doing out on Sunday since he had not given them permission to exercise self-determination.

An illegal independence referendum was scheduled for October 1, which might have explained the crowds, but Rajoy noted that, in fact, “There was no independence referendum“.

Rajoy went on to express sympathy with the late King George III of England, saying that the ungrateful American colonists’ Declaration of Independence was illegal and that the rule of law requires that they continue to respect the legitimate authority of the English Crown.

*This is a satirical post.

Replace Confederate Statues with FDR

FDR could be coming to a park near you. | Credit: Dsdugan, Wikimedia Commons

In recent weeks, the Confederate statue controversy has died down. I have been grateful for this shift, as no good ever comes from questioning the status quo or taking an interest in US history.*

Still, I fear that the divisive episode may not be fully behind us. And if it should reemerge, I have developed a grand compromise that should satisfy everyone: Replace all of the Confederate statues with statues of our noble 32nd president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

This solution may not be obvious, but it offers something for everyone.*

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Spanish PM on Catalonia: Democracy Will Never Undermine Our Democracy

Flag of the infamous democratic terrorists of Catalonia | Credit: Angela Llop, Flickr

WASHINGTON, DC–Speaking to reporters at a joint press conference with US President Trump, Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy said that “democracy will never undermine our democracy.”

The prime minister was referring to the planned referendum in Catalonia on so-called “independence”, and the turn of phrase has become something of a rallying cry for Rajoy and his supporters as he works to quell the democratic insurgency in that too-autonomous region. Rajoy later vowed that his government “would use all means necessary to defeat the radical democratic terrorists”.*

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Poll: Majority Believes Trump Is Focused on “Issues that Matter”

President Trump describes the vital importance of #StandForTheAnthem. Credit: Marc Nozell

WASHINGTON, DC–A new Fox News / Rasmussen poll has found that nearly 65% of registered voters agreed or strongly agreed that “President Trump is focused on the issues that matter.”

The poll came after an energetic weekend for the president, in which he made headlines for repeatedly criticizing NFL players for bad posture during the national anthem. The resulting controversy had fans across the nation choosing sides in the debate, and a majority has sided with the president.*

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