All posts by The Daily Face Palm Staff

Private Prisons, White Nationalists, and Left-Liberals Come Together to Support Gun Control

Let’s make a deal | Pixabay

WASHINGTON, DC–An unlikely group of allies has found common cause on gun control.

The nation’s leading private prison operators, fringe white nationalists, and respectable Democrats are funding a new organization called Bite the Bullet, which seeks to advance strict new gun control legislation. The new initiative was quickly formed in the wake of the recent school shooting in Florida, which claimed the lives of 17 individuals.*

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Nation Sees Precedented Surge in Number of Gun Policy Experts After School Shooting

A gun that’s roughly as effective as the US gun control debate | Pixabay

PARKLAND, FL–In the aftermath of a tragic school shooting at a high school in Florida that claimed 17 lives, the US has seen a precedented surge in the number of gun policy experts that are ready and willing to weigh in on the topic.

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Campaign Finance Reform Advocates Optimistic After Russians’ Election Influence Success

There has never been a better time for grassroots activists to succeed on a budget. | Pixabay

WASHINGTON, DC–In the wake of the Mueller investigation indictments against 13 Russian nationals for election interference, many Americans cited the news as evidence for their pre-existing understanding of Russiagate.*

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Champagne Pops at the Federal Reserve After Official Inflation Measure Finally Reaches 2%

A possible alternate use of Federal Reserve notes, if inflation escalates more | Credit: Purple Slog, Flickr

WASHINGTON, DC–The Federal Reserve Board of Governors held an impromptu celebration Wednesday on the news that consumer price inflation is now 2.1%, above the Fed’s goal of 2%.*

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Democrats and Republicans Reach Historic Spending Agreement That Deficits Only Matter When Other Team Is In Charge

Bipartisanship at last | Credit: Capri23Auto, Pixabay

WASHINGTON, DC–In a rare outbreak of bipartisanship, last week Democratic and Republican lawmakers came together and agreed that deficits only matter when the other team is in charge.

This acknowlegement came on the heels of a historic budget compromise. Under the recent agreement, Republicans will get to waste $175B more on military spending over the next two years and Democrats will get to exhaust an additional $131B in nondefense spending. The agreement also suspended the debt goal until March 2019, so lawmakers could focus on other key priorities, like finding the last remaining goods not subject to sanctions in North Korea.*

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With Bold New Tariffs, Trump Protects Consumers from Low Prices, Harmful Solar Energy

If solar energy can do this to your back, just imagine what it would do to a light bulb. | Pavel Ĺ evela / Wikimedia Commons

WHIRLPOOL HEADQUARTERS, OHIO–In his latest executive initiative to make America great again, President Trump imposed new tariffs on foreign manufacturers of solar panels and washing machines.

The move comes in an effort to defend US companies from harmful competition. Trump has previously said that China is “raping” the US by selling low-cost products that improve the US standard of living.* Continue reading With Bold New Tariffs, Trump Protects Consumers from Low Prices, Harmful Solar Energy

Syrian Official: Why Accept People from “Shithole” Countries Like US?

The Flag of Syria | Photy.org, Flickr

DAMASCUS, SYRIA–Syrian Interior Minister Mohammad al-Shaar is facing widespread criticism this week after it was reported that he described the United States as a “shithole” country in a private meeting with other government officials.

The comment arose during heated negotiations over Syria’s immigration policies. In past remarks, Shaar has favored heightened restrictions on immigration to the Syrian Arab Republic in the name of national security.*

Continue reading Syrian Official: Why Accept People from “Shithole” Countries Like US?

Looming Government Shutdown Will Close Vitally Obscure Services

The wheels of society are about to grind to a screeching halt. | Credit: Daniel Oines

WASHINGTON, DC–Frustrated voters across the US are bracing for the worst.

After a series of tweets and scuttled compromises, Washington DC is on the brink of a government shutdown. If it happens, it would be the first shutdown since 2013 when Senator Ted Cruz discovered he could watch himself give speeches on C-SPAN.

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New SimCityPlanner Video Game Will Be Most Realistic Yet: Designers

Game cover image

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA–Electronic Arts has announced the latest title in the successful SimCity franchise. It’s called SimCityPlanner, and the game’s designers promise it will be the most realistic version yet.

Previous titles in the series were renowned for their attention to detail and extensive customization options. The series also finally provided a satisfying answer to the timeless question “Who will build the roads?” In SimCity, the answer is the player/god/mayor, and all of the subjects seem pretty happy with the arrangement.*

Continue reading New SimCityPlanner Video Game Will Be Most Realistic Yet: Designers