Weary of Demonstrations, Iranian Protesters Welcome US Support

Saying they’ve grown tired of the activism scene after more than a week of protests, Iranian demonstrators say they welcome support from the US government.*

The exact spark and motives for the protests remain unclear, but most reports indicate that the demonstrations are about the economic hardships facing Iran. Others assume that some descendant of the Roosevelt family is back for round 2.

But whatever started the protests, it appears the inspiration has started to dry up. Several activists in Iran told The Daily Face Palm that they’re just ready to go home, or become political prisoners.

“It was nice to have legitimacy with other Iranian people, but it was also a lot of pressure,” activist Ahmad Parsi explained, noting the thousands of other Iranians that had joined in since the start of the movement. “At this point, I’m ready for the violent crackdown.”

That’s why Parsi and others like him have been relieved by the US’s bold and altruistic support for protests. The US has repeatedly said that it condemns all human rights violations–provided they don’t take place in Israel, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, or any other country it’s currently allied with or bombing–in no uncertain terms.

“With their support, we can’t possibly win,” Parsi said, adding that he was looking forward to things getting back to normal.

*This is a satirical post. All quotes and individuals cited are fictional in nature.

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