TEXAS–The flood waters and storm clouds of Hurricane Harvey are beginning to recede, but residents in the small town of Fiscal Conservatism say things will never be the same again.*
Surveying the damage after President Trump quickly agreed to a nominal 3-month debt ceiling extension with the Democratic leadership to ensure federal spending on Harvey relief, resident Rand Paul (R-KY) told The Daily Face Palm, “I don’t think we can recover from this.”
Situated right in harm’s way on the Texas Gulf Coast, Fiscal Conservatism has seen more than its share of “100-year” storms, including the fearsome Hurricane Lyndon in the 1960s and the devastating Hurricane Ronald in the 1980s.
But around here, the storm everyone remembers happened even more recently–Hurricane George. George came in the 2000s after a period of relative prosperity for the small but growing community. That’s when September 11th happened and the Category 5 Hurricane George unleashed an unprecedented downpour of defense spending, the likes of which no one had ever seen before.
Most conservatives were beside themselves. One resident recounted the feeling of helplessness to The Daily Face Palm, “What were we supposed to do? Not spend $600 billion a year on counterproductive defense projects?”
The village never truly recovered from Hurricane George, and now it looks like Hurricane Harvey might have finished what George started.
*This is a satirical post. All of the quotes are fictional, and obviously, the presidential administrations alluded to were much more destructive than any conceivable hurricane.