Kissinger Calls for Extending Military Service Ban to Cis-gender Americans

Following up on President Trump’s controversial Twitter directive to ban transgender people from serving in the military, Henry Kissinger said the ban didn’t go far enough. The venerable foreign policy expert proposed extending the ban to cis-gender people as well.*

Kissinger assured reporters the move was entirely about maximizing military readiness and had nothing to do with equality or a desire to see fewer Americans die in useless foreign wars.

“Today, America fights a different kind of war, where good and evil are not always set in stone. Sometimes the American interest requires us to fight against Al Qaeda, and sometimes you’ll be funneling manpads to them,” Kissinger noted, referring to powerful shoulder-fired anti-aircraft missiles often given to the dubious American ally of the moment.

If the US wants to win these wars, Kissinger argued, the American soldier of today must be prepared to deal with this ambiguity.

“So let the non-binaries fight the terrorists,” Kissinger said, using a broad term for people that do not formally identify with either gender.

“They already understand that the world is not black and white, masculine and feminine, human rights-abuser and respectable ally.”


*This is a satirical post. All quotations cited above are fictional.

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