Egyptian Dictator Praises US Deep State’s Efforts to ‘Save Democracy’

Many foreign leaders have expressed concern about the role the US will play in the world under President Donald Trump. Now they’re finding solace in an unlikely place: the US military and intelligence community, otherwise known as the Deep State.

Strange bedfellows are common in the realm of geopolitics, but the present juxtaposition is still extraordinary. The same countries and leaders that have often been in the cross hairs of Deep State machinations, are now quetly rooting for the CIA and others subtly working against the Trump Administration internally.

Understandably, most foreign dignitaries are still wary of speaking on the record on the subject, given the uncertainty involved. But one leader, Egyptian President Abdel Fattah Al-Sisi, recently went public on the subject, praising the US Deep State in the highest terms.

“The Intelligence Community in the US is very professional. I’ve always been deeply impressed with how they’ve threatened and bribed my colleagues in the Middle East.” Sisi told a group of reporters in Cairo. “They’re doing what needs to be done to preserve stability.”

“Regular citizens do not understand this. Sometimes you have to undermine democratically-elected leaders to save democracy,” Sisi added.

A skeptical reporter on hand suggested there might be a “contradiction” in this idea. But Sisi was unfazed. He promptly accused the reporter–and all other audience members sitting in the same row– of treason and had them removed by security services.

“There,” Sisi continued with a grin after the commotion subsided. “Now there are no contradictions.”

Sisi wrapped up his comments by emphasizing the warm and longstanding friendship between the US and Egypt.

“Our corrupt politicians are close friends with your corrupt politicians. Our police use your tear gas. And our government is just as committed as the US to starving Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. Lest there be any doubt, I want the US people to know that Egypt stands firmly by them in the American Spring.”

(At press time, there were rumors that the detained reporters had received a mass death sentence from the Egyptian court system. The Daily Face Palm was unable to confirm these reports or get any information on the whereabouts of the detainees.)

 

*The above report and all quotations included are entirely fictional.

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